I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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