There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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