She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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