I bet he comes in French.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
