I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
