I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
