life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and she was petting her beer can
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize