And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
