Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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