nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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