so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
