Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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