cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize