Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Say something about gay babies.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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