It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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