Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
