remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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