also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
