I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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