You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
