My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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