I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
