Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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