the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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