god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
