Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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