Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
