i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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