You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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