I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
