Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
