Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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