Just fell off a train. Bad.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
