u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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