I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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