yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
