He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
