in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
