So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
