so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she peed on how many people?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
