you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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