Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
