and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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