I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
