suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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