Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

(1-514): View more from Quebec

and?

(514): View more from Quebec

luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times

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(516): View more from New York

HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!

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