I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
