I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
