Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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