Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
