I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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