There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
