Do you still have your period?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
