dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
