Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize