i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
