it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
