there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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