At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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