i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
