Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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