just come out here and I will go home with you...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
