I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize