after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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