Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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