I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
