Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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