he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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