Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
